Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
