Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
