Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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