I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
