thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
