Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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