Your face is a jimmy john
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
