I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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