My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
