Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize