I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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