so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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