This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
