I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have feelings that need drinking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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