I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry about my life...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
