so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
