loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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