it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
