She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
