just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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