i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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