How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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