so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
