She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
