does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
