Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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