The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
