You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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