Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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