i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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