Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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