I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
