youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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