sarcasm needs its own font
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
