bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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