did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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