Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize