I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
