My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
