Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
