Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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