i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
