is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
