it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
