I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
