At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
