i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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