So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
