One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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