ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everclear isn't food dammit
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
