My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
